The Clash of Morality; How I am Responsible for it

(Article is based on author's reflection post-Zoom sharing session on 'Confident Daughters, Respectful Sons', organized by SAFWA of NTUMS)

These days, we witness a lot of injustices happening around us; be it among family members when they did not exercise due diligence caring or protecting one another; of certain individuals propagating hate and criticisms through what they read on the media; in the larger media industry where productions yearn for viewers and followers by exchanging inappropriate content to feed individuals' pleasures; and more.

To normal believing Muslims, it is easy to infer that the world is coming to an end. But to one who believe these instances are reminders to be better individuals, we struggle to live and look as decent as we can, regardless of how hypocritical one may be to adapt to the changing needs of one or others. The latter sentence reflects the topic of today. We are all guilty in our own ways to contribute to the clash of moralities in our lives. Repentance is the key and we know that that is not enough. Deep down, we know we have to do something to help others from injustices. However, we are blinded by our own flaws; we hardly begin our change-making agenda by reflecting on our own behaviors, feelings and thoughts.

In Islam, one may call this process as jihad an-nafs (struggle of self), tazkiyatunnafs (purification of soul), and tahdhib akhlaq (reformation of character). Our nafs is not merely (as the Malays called it) nafsu (desires towards worldly pleasures), it actually carries two meanings; the self and soul. True enough, most of the times, the desires are the one guiding our actions hence the immoralities that we witness today.

I have recently shared my perspectives on misogyny (defined as hatred towards women) and how one's upbringing could have impacted this behavior manifestation. As a Muslim social science graduate, I analyzed misogyny as one of the immoralities or evil dispositions that is developed by nature and nurture, through one's freewill or choice of doing. As sons and daughters of Adam and Hawa alaihimassolatu wassalaam, I refer to surah al-Baqarah (verse 30-39) to understand the creation of human being and their characteristics. Human are created by Allah with capabilities and weaknesses. With all the resources given in this world, human are free to utilize them and will be accountable for them as well. The ultimate decision to accountability lies after death on the day of judgement where human will be subjected to the questioning of their deeds and faith, to be the chosen one to Paradise or Hell.

Whilst Muslims generally understand the concept of life and death, many do not realize the need to learn how to live in this world purposefully. As much as Quran and Sunnah are the most important reference that have been bestowed upon mankind, we hardly refer or contemplate for we are too occupied with our respective roles in this fast changing pace of the society. Such is one of the examples of ignorance that have led to the injustices from individuals' characters.

In the case of misogyny, the socio-cultural norms would have believed to be the caused of individuals to believe that they are superior over weaker beings, asserting their power as leaders with minimal compassion and love. Based on synthesizing the concept of Islamic psychology and social science, we understand that behaviors are learned through shaping or conditioning since young, with lack of rationalization on why such behaviors are ingrained upon us. For instance, parents expect their little ones to follow their instructions without understanding that children need scaffolding and appropriate time to learn new things. As the brain is still developing, the constant criticisms and inappropriate parenting can lead to children's poor self esteem and dissonance to what inherently pure and good with behaviors that are totally opposite of that. Societal pressure to be well academically and economically have blinded many of us to focus on material achievement rather than appreciating individual struggles to achieving content to live and to give. The sense of self become blemished with envy and dissatisfaction, which rooted in 'aql as poor intellect and in qalb as sick heart.

As much as upbringing could have shaped how one thinks, feels and behaves, the responsibility lies in individuals to seek the truth by learning Islam from trusted channels. As we grow older, we are subjected to more challenges that can dampen our faith. Instead of losing hope, we can be united by acknowledging that these threats to morality happen. Be aware and understand how such behaviors are perpetuating, and how as individuals, we should purify our selves first, while extending our support to others. As Ibn Qayyim mentioned before; "Repel the thought (of whisperings or negativities) for if you don't, it becomes an idea. So repel the idea for if you don't, it will become a desire. So fight against that (desire) for if you don't, it will become a determination and a passion. And if you don't repel that, it will become an action. And if you don't replace it with its opposites, it will become a constant habit. At that point, it will be difficult for you to change it."

As with our duties towards others, regardless if they are the oppressors or being oppressed, be merciful towards them. After all, Allah has given us time to improve as long as we are still living in this world where clash of morality happens because of our own doings. May we all get a dignified departure from this world, with His Mercy and Forgiveness. Amin. Wallahu a'lam.

References:

Badri, M. (2009). The Islamization of Psychology: Its “Why,” its “What,” its “How,” and its “Who”. In N. M. Noor (Ed.), Psychology from an Islamic Perspective: A Guide to Teaching and Learning (1st ed., pp. 13–41). Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: IIUM Press.

Haque, A. (2004). Psychology from Islamic perspective: Contributions of early Muslim scholars and challenges to contemporary Muslim psychologists. Journal of Religion and Health, 43(4), 357-377.

Rothman, A., & Coyle, A. (2020). Conceptualizing an Islamic psychotherapy: A grounded theory study. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 7(3), 197–213.

Utz, A. (2011). Psychology from the Islamic Perspective. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: International Islamic Publishing House.